13 May 2009
the best words I've ever heard
We've been in a phase of heavy duty attachment parenting in response to some issues we've been having with the kids. It gets exhausting to always make a big deal out of things that feel like they should be automatic, normal responses. I can't count how many times in the past week I've stopped and looked one of my kids in the eye to say, "Thank you so much for asking me for help. I really appreciate that you want my help." We have friends who would pay good money to have their kids stop asking for help for an hour! But a few minutes ago it all paid off. Joshua hugged me hard and said, "I love you, too, Mommy." It was all I could do not to cry all over him. Joshua is our only one who doesn't tell us he loves us. He told us a few times a while back, but neither of us have heard it for a very long time. When we say we love him, he usually looks away or laughs it off or tries to physically escape. He's written it in a note to Peter once or twice but never to me. It breaks my heart every night when we say goodnight, but we know we need to give him time and space to fully love and trust us. Tonight though I'm going to celebrate. It's a small victory in a long journey of overcoming all the pain and confusion of our kids' past. They're such happy kids that we sometimes forget how much they've endured and how it will shape them forever.