There are those moments in life when reality rears its ugly head and interrupts my happy little existence. Hearing about the devastation in Haiti was one of those moments. Today was one of those moments, too. As I sat in therapy listening to my son talk matter of factly about the death of his mother, I was overwhelmed with a sense of how screwed up the world really is. Kids shouldn't have a personal story that involves death and fear and pain. And they definitely shouldn't tell the story as if they were talking about their day at school.
I'm not having a new revelation. It's just something that's easy to lose sight of as I make dinner and pick kids up at school and supervise the daily chaos. I don't look at my kids on a daily basis and ponder the pain they've experienced in their short lives. I look at them and think that I wish they would obey the first time I ask or that they look funny in the red clown wig. I think about how blessed I am to be their mom. What I can quickly forget is that my blessing came at a terrible price: a mother who didn't live to see her kids grow up, a father who had to make an unbelievably difficult decision, kids whose lives have been turned upside down and now need to be pieced back together.
By the time it was my turn to hold my sweet boy and tell him how I felt about what he said today, I couldn't hold back the tears. I told him that it made me so sad to know that he was probably scared when his Liberian ma died. I told him that it made me so sad to know that she didn't have the chance to see her kids grow up. I told him it made me happy to know that his Liberian pa wanted to take care of him so much that now I get to have 3 beautiful kids.
I felt like a baby for crying all over my son, but it was actually good. His reaction to my tears took us to a new level, and now we know what we need to work on in our next session. And as much as it hurts, it's good for me to remember that life is hard and the world is a disaster and I know the only one who can look at the mess and make sense of it.
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5 comments:
Oh goodness. So sorry. :( I am awestruck many times by what our children have experienced. I pray that God will hold them close and work in mighty ways in their little hearts!
That is beautiful.
Are you going to Cheryl Nitz?
It really is amazing how resilient kids are. The pain is so deep, yet they are often more authentically joyful than I am.
Christy, we are seeing Cheryl. Have you been to her?
No just heard a lot about her. We were planning on going last summer for a 2 week intensive it but just couldn't swing it financially. Plus, Christian would have had to take off work and we would have had to find child care for the rest of the kids during that time. It would have been VERY difficult plus since Patrick is non-verbal we just weren't sure how beneficial it would have been. I am sure it would have been some but I just don't know how much and if it really would have been worth the trouble.
It sounds like it is going well for you guys though. That's awesome. So glad you are able to go.
Beautiful, Becky. Thanks for sharing so intimately. It helps us (your friends) get a glimpse into the reality of your and your kids' lives. We'll pray for continued revelations and peace throughout this process.
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